She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
