I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
