how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
