At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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