i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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