1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
