I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
