Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
