I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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