nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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