Jerry, you need to find god
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
