mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
