My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
