you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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