ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
