Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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