i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i believe in u and ur pee
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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