I just saw a hot homeless man
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize