Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I understand Curling. That high.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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