So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
