Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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