I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
