I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
