Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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