I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
