We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
