btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
