ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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