So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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