ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
