you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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