marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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