My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
