What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
