dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
