i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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