Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
