In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
