I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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