I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
