I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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