Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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