My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
