I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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