hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
