That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
