You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
