Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
