I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
