Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
