We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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