She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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