Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
