We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
