I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
