I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
