well I can't set my house on fire every night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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