good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
