I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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