Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Girls should come with a carfax report
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
