A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
