I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
