Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
