Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think your dad took our porno
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
