its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
