I'm gonna have a badass scar
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
