yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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