I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
