I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
