True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
