My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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